EXPOSE: WHAT DO YOU DO, WITH ONLY AN HOUR TO EXPLORE WONDERCON? NOT MUCH.

The calm and professional Asian Lady, approved my press pass. She told me I only have an hour, since its the last day. Also,that despite nearly 650,000 hits last year, my site barely made the cut for a pass.




First, I go upstairs and realized all the live chat rooms have finished. I made my way, to the South hall of the LA Convention Center. I get a free comic book, with four mini stories that go nowhere. I walk through "Artists' Alley" to the only exciting place on the whole floor-the video game arcade area.




I stopped and played Resident Evil X (I can't remember which number.) I pick a cop role and shoot zombies in the head, in a stage called "Urban Chaos." My avatar doesn't die, but I don't complete the area for not killing enough zombies. I quit and then played Mega Man 6.




It thought this would be nostalgic, but it made me remember all the things I hated- about this series. Like, why are there No mega woman villains? Hello, schlocky controls of Mega Man. I get to the villain of stage and step too far over and I'm back five screens where I was. I then ask a lady worker, about an Umbrella Corps-another Zombie survival game made as Unreal- Tournament.




I then hit the Nintendo area, where the lines for the new Star Fox was endless, including cockpit versions. I then decided to play the new DS Metroid game: Federation Force. Its look and controls are similar to Metroid: Prime.


Sadly, I was stuck at a snow-base, trying repeatedly -to pass a huge grey door, which when you finally figure out how to open it, you have to hurry before it closes. When you find the door, it's closed again, and you get attacked a small squad of aliens, which are easy to take out at a distance.




After this, I go to the Capcom area- which has a entire wall of the hit game, Street Fighter 5, complete with arcade style controls. With time running out, this white guy and I stepped up, to one of the machines in the middle. We decide to the control women, and have Chun Li and Cammy partake- in a karate cat fight.


Except, after choosing the arena, the game won't start. We both tried our controls several times to start it up...Nothing. We even ask the one of the workers, dressed as a Lynda Carter era Wonder Woman. After ogling her, she realized she couldn't help. I thank her, and she acknowledges it.


After that, a lady announcer tells everybody to leave. I check my watch and realize- I have five minutes left.


I find a chat room (near the snack bar) about Star Trek V. Star Wars: led by a Kevin Smith look-a-like, doing a talk show with a hand-held mike. He discussed with a bunch of experts about why "the USS Defiant led by Admiral Akbar" would "kick the ass of a star destroyer" led by Han Solo or something. It was a weirdly intriguing and creative debate. The panel was both- witty and surprisingly knowledgeable, about their subject matter. Donald Trump could learn a thing or three here.

SNOOP DOGG WILL NOT VOTE FOR TRUMP...

JUSTIN BLOWS ON, THEN OFF SELENA.

MEGAN FOX DECLARES- NINJA TURTLES BETTER MADE, THIS TIME.

DC V. MARVEL: AT THE DAWN OF JUSTICE.

LARRY SANDERS AND JOHNNY CARSON,FINALLY MAKE PEACE WITH JOAN RIVERS.

AMY ADAMS COMMENTS ,ON THE DAWN OF JUSTICE.

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WHO WILL PUNCH OUT- JESSE EISENBERG FIRST, IN DAWN OF JUSTICE.

A MUSICIAN JOINS- TV'S JOHN OLIVER IN TELLING JUSTIN BIEBER, SOMETHING.

KENDALL JENNER F@#$* HERSELF IN HER CALVINS.

TRIS PRYOR ON FLEX SEXUALITY.

AMY SCHUMER FAKES TWITTER WARS-TO GET DATE W/ GAME SHOW HOST CHRIS HARRISON.

CELEBRITY Q AND A: NICOLLETTE SHERIDIAN AND TERI HATCHER! EXCLUSIVE!!

Around Winter 2006, I was doing security work at Universal Studios, Hollywood. I was on traffic duty ,on the Wisteria Lane town set. I was positioned at the mouth of the famous cut-de-sac of houses, just above the Jaws exhibit. It was sunset, it was near lunch time (Hollywood time,) when Desperate Housewives Executive Producer- Marc Cheery (the living definition of a pig) drove up in golf cart,with fighting beauties Teri Hatcher and Nicolette Sheridan.

Hatcher was lovely in a black cocktail dress and Nicolette was a form-fitting white dress. Cherry was slovenly dressed, in a dress shirt and slacks.

Cherry looked right me and said "Look, I have to get up to Wisteria Lane for a function." There was a network thrown party on the street, to reflect the suburban atmosphere of the hit soap, in between filming.

I told him, "Sorry, they are in the middle of a take." In fact, only now did Cherry- see all the cars held back in both directions. Then, he told me he's "a busy man" and "he needed to get up the set." I told 'em "when they release the traffic, sir." Normally, this would take a minute or two. The ladies looked bored, and Nicolette started to say something snide, when Cherry shot her a glaze- that quickly silenced her.

About five minutes later, Cherry started in again on "how important I am to this network,THIS studio and could I...just go" (and ruin a take on his own show.) I told him "NO, sir" again, with quiet forcefulness. Cheery looked agitated.

Then, the best Lois Lane ever, eased toward me -with her fine bosoms- barely encased, in her lovely dress. She stated coolly, "Please, we're already late and I'd really appreciate it, if you helped us." I stare into the trusting face and boobs of Susan Meyer. I then, grab my walkie-talkie and told my boss, "I have the Producer of Desperate Housewives here..."

"Executive Producer!," said Cherry.

I restart my message for Teri, "I have the Executive Producer of Desperate Housewives (Cheery nods approvingly) and Teri Hatcher here. They need to need to get up to Wisteria Lane, for a Network party. I need permission- to release their cart, right now."

About a whole minute passed, when I hear, "OK, let em through." Teri smiles and mouths me, a near silent "Thank You." Cheery without another word, powers up the golf cart and zooms away. At the back of the cart, Sheridan and I share a glance. She has an almost look of "Save Me", with worry and doubt etched on her pretty face. The cart turns onto Wisteria Lane and quickly out of my sight.

About a month later, I just happening to be watching Desperate Housewives at home- when a strange scene started on the show. Teri Hatcher in a similar dress, tried to charm a black security guard (dress in a decent suit, instead the fake police outfit I wore) into letting her into a outdoor party.

The main differences here: the guard is quite gruff to her, which I guess is what Cheery though I was to him. When Hatcher tried to get pass the guard by touching his chest, the TV guard drops her... onto the hood of a car (breasts first)- in zip-tie hand cuffs and reports her to the police, for trespassing.

Cherry again pissed- at the celebrity Chopped Champion- for succeeding with a black man, where a corpulent, loudmouth failed. Remember, it took President Obama and Former Majority whip Nancy Pelosi, to approve Obama Care...together- in a harsh, lying world.

BEYONCE PLAYS ELEMENTARY SCHOOL CHARITY CONCERT.

BUTLER AND FREEMAN ON LIBERATING LONDON.

CHRISTINA AGUILERA "IS SO LESBIANS" WITH VOICE GAL.

SELENA GOMEZ,SANDWICHED INTO HER OSCAR DRESS.