FIRST MR. SPEARS, JASON ALEXANDER RATES FAILED HUSBAND K-FED!

"I think he is an idiot," proclaimed the UFC pit-fighter with one of, the shortest marriages in human history (55 Hrs.) He considered the nascent rapper: a male gold-digger, since all he'd seen him do "is spend money."

"I still love her...," the big lug admitted and seem to be requesting a second chance. "I'm a good guy to talk to and I'm here for you." Apparently, Alexander had seen a recent rerun of Seinfeld, since "that there for you crap...is genius."

Borat's Pimp My Ride (exxklusiv.)

More with the annoying, Arab "journalist" with that MTV flavor.

SICK, RUSSIAN BASTARD FAILS TO DESTROY MATERIAL GIRL STAR HILARY DUFF.

Maksim Miakovsky was arrested by police for his murderous attempted to eliminate singer/actress Hilary Duff. The barely legal Russian immigrant was arrested at a Manhattan Beach hotel after speaking with a P.I. (hired by Duff) to confirm his intention to do harm to the ex- Lizzie McGuire star.

Duff took out a restraining order on him last month when her life and that of her paramour Good Charlotte front man Joel Madden, by the Ex-Commonwealthist.

The allegedly, sick boy rots in jail, waiting to be released on $200,000 with his first day in court to take place tomorrow.

OWEN WILSON TAKES SANTA MONICA,CA BY STORM.
(AN EXCLUSIVE!)
His new flick, Dilbit Taylor was filming in the area today. The film closed down a popular Italian restaurant and an area called the Mine Shaft, near a local pawn shop.

The Paramount movie, then moved back to the Pizza Parlor to finish for the evening. When the crew first arrived, a gaggle of senior citizen background artists- flocked into the restaurant.

MEDIABYTES: COMIC AS NEW TV SHOW, & 24's POWER PLAY.

Moon Knight is about Marc Specter becoming a Batman-like crime fighter, after being bestowed the power of The Egyptian god of moon who lords over vengeance. The show is being developed by a Canadian company for the American syndicated market.

ON 24, Powers Booth will play V.P. to Bobby Kennedyish realist and "bro" ex-pres. David Palmer, Wayne as he does what the real RFK never did, survive to make it to the white house. Plus, Harold & Kumar's Kal Penn with assist Star Trek vets, Alex Siddig (Syrianna)and James Cromwell (First Contact, Babe) with the saving of Jack Bauer from Communist China. Every second counts on Jan 14.

Here's the new host of Daytime Deal or No Deal, Arseniooooooooooo Hall!!

That's right. His friend & frequent guest to his old talk show, Howie Mandel suggested him for the daytime version and a deal was quickly sealed.

Ars has been taping test shows for weeks now.

WITH SMITH GONE, CBS GOES TO WILL....SMITH FOR THEIR NEXT HIT.

The Smiths (Will and Jada-NOT John & Jane) along with Showrunners, Jan Nash and Jennifer Levin will produce an ER/Outbreak type show for the Eye network. The show will focus on Center for Disease Control healers traveling the world to destroy all evil assed diseases.

FINISH CIA PATSY STAN. ARRRGGGH!! LETHAL LOIS WINS. HA HA AH HA HA.


Go to this website, to see if the family from the SECOND best animated show (after The Simpsons)- can defeat the kinda popular knock-off of the Griffins. The Simpsons and the Hills are pressing legal action for not being involved in this endeavor.

Also, due to their pacifist, liberal beliefs, Guy's Brian and the remaining Dad members are sitting the violent satire of expliotation out, for now. Finally, beat all known fighters in the game and you face the grand champion, Ryu from Street Fighter 2!!



http://www.americandadvsfamilyguy.com/

FIND YOUR HAPPY HOUR WHEN SMITH IS KIDNAPPED, BY THE NETWORKS.

In other words, these three shows have just been canceled. The actually winner is receiving their walking papers first, was the dark Ray-Liotta/Virgina Madsen caper serial. It was never a contender against arrogantly, funny Boston Legal and SVU juggernaut on Tuesday.

Kidnapped's destruction was a long time coming as the Tim Hutton (Ordinary People) starer couldn't muster-half the number of Law & Order Prime on Wednesday. It will be moved immediately to Saturdays and producers were told to wrap all storylines by its 13th show, to satisfy any fans held hostage by this unarresting drama.


Hour which never considered a strong contender to begin with, and was just a time-slot holder between 'Til Death and Celebrity Duets (which also unlikely to return.)

Fox promised it would be back after the Fall Classic, but where and why the unfunny, low rated program would go back on the schedule, um...That network had no comment.

ALEC BALDWIN TO SARAH MICHELLE GELLAR: YOU'RE A "PUSHY PRIMA DONNA."

That's what an inside source said, the usually renewed character actor called the new queen of horror. In The Girl's Guide to Hunting and Fishing (Gellar's first NON-horror film in LONG time) The former Ms. Summers co-stars with the one damn, good time Jack Ryan, in a May-December romantic movie.

In light of Baldwin's recent divorce fiascoes with Oscar winner/Ex wife, Kim Bassinger (too numerous to mention) over his daughter, has driven the boss of The Cooler insane. Ergo, he is driving the film's crew and Gellar herself crazy.

Gellar who has built a rep of being "very professional and hardworking", but Gellar didn't like being called a diva and "recently called (sarcastically) Baldwin a nice guy," only because mainstream media forces were on the set that day.

While the crew tried to be understanding about Baldwin's legal woes, it allegedly led Gellar to declare him a "bastard" and a "tyrant" whenever he wasn't on set or stuck in his trailer.

Paris Hilton - Nothing in this World Music Video (NEW)

Here's Hilton's latest CRAPTACULAR music video. Try to enjoy, if U can.

QUICKIE MOVIE REVIEWS.

Everyone's Hero: I walked into the wrong cineaplex, or I wouldn't even have bother with this pre-cool Disney Channel crap. The little boy was ok, for a kid with no personality. The talking bat and ball might could have been more entertaining instead of just annoying. Assholish Robin Williams generates what few real laughs are in this movie (as the key villain) and the talking ball (voiced by Mel Gibson's nemesis Rob Reiner, doing his best Billy Crystal impression (and succeeding at times.)

Being honest about the homeless situation (then and now) and Negro League ball with the little black girl, was truly interesting without turning it into a history lesson. William H. Macy is wasted as the villain's stooge and the voice of Darling is just bitchingly repellent as Babe's Ruth legendary bat. Plus, shouldn't the guy voice the long fallic object and the chick voice the tiny,breast-like circular ball?
Score: Ensign



The Protector:

The action was fantastic, if at times it had nothing to do with the story. Like Jet Li and Bruce Li before him, Tony Jaa project his presence & emotions well on-screen when generally not killing people. But, lacks Jackie Chan humanity and clearly need to get a sense of humor about the absurdity of his situatuation. Xing Jing, as the twisted feminist queen-pin of crime Rose is the real find here. She displays the type of talents to get to the top of female Asian actress royalty (Lucy Lui, and Kelly Hu.) Also, her command of the language is clearly superior to other foreign Asian actresses her field (Ziyi Zhang [who speaks English well now, but very slowly]and retarded-neo racist/garbled portrayal by Gong Li [Miami Vice.])It would have been nice, if Jaa looked at the hot mud wrestling girl who helped him, liked he looked at his kidnapped elephants in this flick though.
Score:Lt.






Movie Rating Legend-

Ensign- Rookie
Lt.- Decent/O.K.
Lt. Commander-Very Good
Commander- Great
Captain- Excellent
Admiral- Spectacular


Catch Up Reviews:

Fast & Furious Tokyo Drift- Lt.
My Super Ex-Girlfriend-Lt. Cmr.

CRUISE LIFTS HIS MIDDLE FINGER TO REDSTONE- WITH HIS $200 MILLION FILM INVESTMENT!!

Dan Snyder, Owner of the Washington Redskins has made this cash commitment to Cruiser & producing partner Paula Wagner for "first look" at all upcoming projects. This includes a bonus $3 million to cover overheads expenses.

Ocean Symphony Starring Jack Black

Provided By:shiftingbaselines
Jack Black stars as the symphony conductor in this hilarious public service announcement about the slow degradation of our oceans. Also starring Madeleine Stowe, Henry Winkler, Tom Arnold, Unforgiven's Saul Rubinek and Dave Foley.

KIDMAN SLAMS JOLIE! SHE CALLS HER CHARITY WORK, A DEFLECT FROM HER ADULTERY.

Academy Award winner & Tomb Raider, Angelina Jolie has made a new enemy, Oscar winner Nicole Kidman who call her work a publicity stunt to deflect personal criticism (the Brangelina scandal) and to elevate her work as “any better than a nurse working in a hospital, but she's getting the publicity for her contribution."

Kidman, has her herself been made a good will ambassador (like Jolie) and is going to India. Jolie has used her role to give monies to developing countries, including donating the cash from the photos of her baby 'shovel'” (with Pitt) to UNICEF.

"I have a friend who is a
doctor and every year he works in Africa for two months for no money,” said The Others actress. She just wants equal public billing for those doing the real work.

Correction: According to E! News, the main source for this story-an Irish Newspaper that claimed the quotes in this tale, now admit they made them up. We here at Data Hard apologize for any harm to anyone reading or attacked by this story, especially Kidman and Jolie. Angie, I'm Sorry.

CELEBRITY HOMOPHOBIA- DAVID SPADE: HOMOPHOBIC ASSHOLE.

Adam Sandler’s little bitch, David Spade was at commercial shoot for IBM computers. This was done with a Hollywood past and present feel-with all the archetypes of all the big stars. The smug comic was doing a silent cameo as a mean, arrogant star being driven around on a golf cart.

However, back stage he was stalking around his tiny cell phone- attacking his cast and crew mates at the Universal Studios stage by stating, "It's pretty gay around here.”



Worse, he would only say this when certain people passed by- so he could cowardly attacks them while making it seem like conversation. Then, as the commercial was winding down- he then said to longtime director Joe Pytka “What about Hershey(TM) over there” by attacking an unidentifiable crew person (he was mistaking for an actor) as which his way of attacking a black person as gay (Her/She {phonetic} )and using the dark chocolate of the product- emphasizing the black angle.)

This was despite the fact that this person was 1) NOT GAY!! 2) He and Spade hadn't spoken to each other that day and 3) DID NOT know each other at all. Plus, Spade was dressed as Vegas-like drug dealer with bad Fu-Man Chu beard.

When the other actors heard Spade speak- they claimed to hear him attacking his friend and meal ticket, Click star Adam Sander based on his bad acting and going after his manhood based on his role in the awful…ly successful remake, The Longest Yard.

This is a terrible display by a public figure with the emotional growth of E from Entourage. Vincent Chase cancelled a potential meeting with Spade ,to cameo in his next movie.

Comedy Central should fire the longtime loser (on that Hollywood program) & replace him with actually funny comics like Arsenio Hall, Sarah Silverman, or Jay Mohr. At the very least these sponsors in particular, should END all ties with his show until massive, multiple APOLOGIES (a la Mel Gibson) are issued to ALL parties with NO comedic tendencies whatsoever.

REDSTONE'S WIFE MAY HAVE LEAD TO THE CRUISE FIRING.

Paula Fortunato, the 40 year old junior to Viacom’s titular Chairman of the board, may have had her husband ear- that lead to break-up, of one of the most profitable relationships in movie history. She told him that Cruiser's “weird” Scientology beliefs: were out of line with the mainstream and may have turned off his strongest fan base-female moviegoers.



While everyone in the Hollywood know, agrees his comments were unprofessional and cold. His wife’s comments may have echoing, what most “normal” people having have been feeing about Cruise for years now. That he has gone off the deep on his faith and turned into a scary control freak in the process.

When she heard his views on women should be working out and taking vitamins to aleavate post-partum depression sealed the coffin on his fate with ladies.

THIS DAILY SHOW REPORTER COULD SAVE CBS $550 MILLION!!

CBS is yet again, trying to appeal the decision over the "wardrobe malfunction" to the FCC. There maybe one way to WIN this case and indecency has nothing to do with it.

According to Lewis Black, host of the "Back in Black" segment on the gonzo news comedy- all CBS has to do is prove that America DIDN'T really see a breast on that fateful Superbowl Sunday.

His CD-Luther Burbank Performing Arts Center Blues, contains his almost scientific theory on the matter. The comic claimed for this so-called indecent act to commence, the nipples must be FULLY exposed to the public. Since Janet WAS wearing those weird S&M nipple clamps, Jackson displayed ONLY full cleavage (which of course) IS NOT against the law. "If you don't have a nipple...You don't have a (breast,)" the fussy comic declared.

He also remarked humorously that he used VCRS and Tivo to break his theory, only to confirm that he NEVER saw a nipple, just those silver tassels that totally hid the goods.


Also, the fact the women and feminists have laid down- like a whore on the matter, is truly amazing. Since they are being told that a women's beauty is worth less than a million dollar touchdown.

It's uncanny for Americans to still be obsessed about this, after all this time. That the American people couldn't handle, a breast of peace during a simulated game of war is absolutely pathtetic "in the land of free."

ELEEN POMPEO’S BITCHINESS CAUSE STRESS AT GREY'S ANATOMY.

The actress is demanding star treatment on what is supposed to be ensemble show. She made demands ranging from: wanting to be interviewed alone, wanting to be carried around the set (like a child) due to a recent sprained ankle, and wanting Desperate Housewives type money ($200K an episode.)

Fans of the monster medical soap may have been tiped off to her dangerous, diva behavior on hidden camera gem, Punked. When the starlet threatened many times-during the segment to outright kill the waitress for playfully flirting with her boyfriend.

The antics of Jordan Grey (named after the color created for Jill Hennessy on Crossing Jordan) are putting the formerly harmonious set on greater edge; after the hit program found out it was doing battle with TV’s # 1 scripted hour CSI: Prime (Las Vegas) & Game show sensation Deal or No Deal.

Her “arrogant attitude is getting on people's nerves,” and these demands are even more outrageous in the fact that Sandra Oh (Arli$$, the acclaimed Sideways) and Patrick Dempsey (Run, Scream 3) are bigger stars and “more accomplished” actors, said show Insiders.

The Executive Producer of this opus, Shonda Rhimes is contemplating eliminating the character and have either Oh or the mother with Alzheimer’s disease take over the voice over hosting of the show and spin the storyline in new directions, the unnamed sources stated.

HUFFMAN OR CROSS MAYBE ON CHERRY'S CHOPPING BLOCK.

TV Guide confirmed that Creator Mark Cherry intended to "kill" one the main leads on Desperate Housewives, by the end of February sweeps. When production started back up about two weeks ago, their trailers were brought down to the main stages. Eva Longoria, Nikki Sheridan, & Teri Hatcher's trailers were normal-with show's logo & names on them, as usual (though Hatcher's character's last name was now misspelled.)

When Cross & Huffman's vehicles were brought, even they were the same ones as last year- the logo/name plate was missing. Their was just a little piece of gaffer's tape with their alter ego's first name only, on it (Lynette & Bree.)

Cherry was made no secret, though the show that he hates his mom, though Cross has arguably given the best and most consistent performance on the show. While Mrs. William H. Macy has been making award winning performances on TV & Film- her role has diminished into a intellectual version of Alexis (on the show) and seen her popularity drop badly, especially after the much maligned second season.

This decision is even sadder, since the housewives were all traveling together (in the same golf cart) in earnest enjoyment of each other's company. This was around dusk (they had night shots to complete) and all were dressed in elegant evening wear, except Nikki who was in a tight top and Daisy Duke type shorts. Sheridan even got off to digitally snap a photo of old set with lake in front of it.