THE ONION COVERS HIGH SCHOOL TONY AWARDS.

BRITNEY SPEARS BEATS VEHICULAR ASSAULT CHARGE.

LAPD stated that NO charges will be filled against Britney Spears- for using her car, to run over a photog's foot, as she driving away from a pack of paps.

The victim filed a report- half year after the occurrence. The cops claim, there's was NO legal way to win with video evidence provided.


Joseph Shidler, deputy district attorney, noted:"We have no evidence to prove beyond a reasonable doubt that the suspect was aware that the victim's foot had been struck by the car. There was much commotion and noise at the time and
there is no proof that the suspect was aware of what had happened."

Also, the police report indicated that "a voice on the
video told her to back up" and no proof of that is on the tape either.


The Prosecutor showed in the Internet video, no physical damage to the pap's foot.
Shidler concludes that "the only way the victim's foot could have been where the video indicates it to be was by the victim placing it in that location."

HEATH DID LEAVE $ TO HIS DAUGHTER.

GETTING BLUE WITH THE LOVE GURU.

BRENDAN FRASER'S NEW MOVIE.

IS BONES- THE WORLD'S NO. 2 SHOW, AFTER CSI:MIAMI?

A VERDICT IS NEAR IN THE R. KELLY CASE.

WHO DOES FEZ AND THE SINGER OF THE KIM POSSIBLE THEME, WANT TO WIN THE NBA FINALS?

THE GREAT MAGIC JOHNSON, ON THE NBA FINALS 2008.

J. ALBA OFFICIALLY A MOM AND ASHLEY TISDALE MAYBE HIV POSTIVE.

THE LOVE GURU ABOUT TO DEBUT,AND LYNNE SPEARS WRITES BOOK ON BAD PARENTING. OH, SPEAKING ABOUT HULK HOGAN....

J.J. ABRAMS COMES CLEAN ON FRINGE.

THE ONION INVESTIGATES: WORLD OF WARCRAFT PLAYERS- PLAYING THEMSELVES IN GAME.

DID SHIA LABEOUF USE A GAY SLUR, WHILE NEW 99'S BOYFRIEND MAY HAVE EMBEZZLED FUNDS FROM A CHARITY?

CLINT EASTWOOD TELLS SPIKE LEE TO SHUT THE F___ UP, WHILE LINDSEY LOHAN GETS INSURED ON BABY MOVIE, AS PARIS HILTON MAYBE GETTING PREGNANT.

JESSICA SIMPSON TO JOIN OTHER LADY CELEBS, IN USING ALLEGED CHILD LABOR TO PRODUCE HIGH END FASHION LINE.

WILL SMITH HAS HIS HANCOCKED FOR THIS ONE.

OSCAR NOMINATED ROSIE PEREZ, RETURNS AS A DIRTY COP- TRADING BLOWS WITH A DRUG DEALING JAMES FRANCO- IN PINEAPPLE EXPRESS.

ANGELINA JOLIE IS STILL...WANTED.

WONDER WOMAN FINDS A REAL BODY, WHILE KUNG FU PANDA BITCH SLAPS THE ZOHAN.