THE SIMPSONS MOVIE..."EXCELLENT!!"

First Contact: Captain
Score: Commander

"Hi. I'm Tom Hanks. If you see me on the street,please...just leave me be. Thank You," states the two time Oscar winning comic actor, in this fine translation- of the smug, yet still funny TV show to the silver screen.

While the film lacks the sleazily bold, in-your-face irreverence of Beavis & Butthead Do America or The infamous South Park movie, the film more than makes up for that, with intelligent wit and charm personified through the 2D bug-eyed "nuclear" family.

The only problems are some of the jokes, fall noticeably flat. The director either should have cut them- in order to punch-up the strong, pro-liberal, pro-environment angle and self sacrifice at the climax...of Springfield- trapped in huge snow globe, about to be eradicated by a time bomb.A truly long story, that you will have to see for yourself.

All of the voice acting rules hard, though it would have been nice- if the show's producers opened up its cast. To allow more minority actors, to join the madness and make guest cameos, along with the principles. Since with money being raked in by the flick, this is a mistake that can be easily fixed by using Maggie's first (or second-for true fans) word "...SEQUEL!"

BURN NOTICE RECEIVES A SAVING GRACE.

20th Century Fox announced, that its series Burn Notice and Saving Grace have been renewed by their respective cable networks, USA and TNT.

The sneaky,cool spy comedy- starring Jeffery Donavon, cult-movie icon Bruce Campbell and violently, sexy Gabrielle Anwar gets a 13 show second season order. Saving Grace, is cable's #2 show- airing after red hot Kyra Sedgwick starer...The Closer. Holly Hunter's religious crime drama gets get a whopping 15 show order for its next cycle of show. Grace has retained almost 90% of Closer's audience.

TALK TO ME, SHOWS SOUL OF DON CHEADLE'S PETEY GREEN.
-Martin Sheen & Chiwetel Ejiofor almost steals show from Cheadle's P-Town



First Contact: Admiral
Score Rank: Captain

All of the performances are both very real and 3-D, as the actors provide their characterisations warts and all. Director Kasi Lemons (Eve's Bayou) realistically bring one into the world of the D.J. superstar of of the D.C. area- after it became a Chocolate City (predominately African American.)

Cheadle (Crash) will easily get an Oscar nomination, as will Ejiolr (Serenity)for playing business man ying to Cheadle's truth above all else yang.

Taraji P. Henson provides the sexy heart of the piece, as P-Town's expertly sexy and well-endowed lover, who as likely to attack him with a glass bottle (after he cheats on her) as have a loving three way with him (with another lady) as a reward for Green being sober for six months.

Martin Sheen as both Dewey's and Petey's boss, provide great weight and brevity in his role. When a certain historic black figure dies, he realistically appears more broken hearted than his black counterparts- which stunned them that he cared that much, about their hero.

The film focuses on Green's rise from a con (with D.J. experience) to being the first black popular voice of his medium. Ejiofor's quiet,yet resourceful Dewey Hughes (later-owner of a powerful radio network and the emerging TV One cable channel) takes him under his wing: leading to comedy clubs and his own cult hit late night talk show.

Green's finest hour, was ending the riots that broke out in D.C.- when Martin Luther King Jr. was assassinated. Even there, He and Hughes save a white man from an angry mob. This leads to an appearance on the Johnny Carson show (with Forrest Gump like real footage (of Carson) at a key moment,) where if Green does well, "the world is yours" claims Hughes.

The film's message is expending your horizons, while being true to one's self. Also, that change and compromise can be almost impossible tasks.

"Well, That's all we got and there aint no more. My time is tight and that's the end of the show," said Petey- as he would end his telecasts.Check out Talk To Me, you will not be disappointed in this near perfect work- about a man filed with imperfections, that was barley but successfully able to beat them.

SPY CHASER JOAN ALLEN TO HUNT DOWN TYRESE GIBSON & JASON STATHAM (LOHAN STYLE) IN REMAKE.

The Bourne Ultimatum's Joan Allen will be the main villain in the Death Race 2000 remake. Tyrese Gibson shall channel his best Sly Stallone for Machine Gun Joe and The Transporter himself Jason Statham is the star of the violently, brutal race. The key to winning is for drivers to mow down spectators and each other for points.Director Paul W.S. Anderson said shooting will began late next month.

PARIS HILTON'S $59 MILLION INHERITANCE IS LOST,AS IS HER TV SHOW ON THE E! CHANNEL.

Hilton's grandfather billionaire- William ‘Barron’ Hilton "is extremely embarrassed," on how Paris turned the family name into a sleazy joke, and has cut her and 11 other grandchildren (including Nicki Hilton) off from his funds. Writer Jerry Oppenheimer (House Of Hilton) surmised that the $2.4 billion fortune will go into the family's charity foundation because, "He doesn't want to leave unearned wealth to his family."

Then, E! confirmed that after five seasons, The Simple Life has been cancelled. The Fox years were considered idiotic fun. The cable based episodes never overcame the fact, that the two stars hated each other and it showed badly on-air. This was despite the producer's best efforts- to play up the heat of the conflict, between the two self-centered and occasionally bitchy stars.

KELLY HU: A IMPORTANT MESSAGE

HERE'S THE NEW STAR OF THE PRICE IS RIGHT...DREW CARAY.

SUMMER GLAU TO BE A GOOD FEMALE TERMINATOR ON FOX'S NEW SARAH CONNER CHRONICLES.

There was a You Tube clip, but it has been pulled at Warner Bros. insistence. She will use the signature line "Come with me, if U want to live," on 16 yr. old John Conner (Tom Dekker.)The show will largely ignore the existence of T3 (the "official" staring of the war, Kristina Loken's creepily bad acting;etc.) The show may use its own existence to eliminate all time line permutations of Sky Net, there-by making the need for the ill-fated Clarie Danes starer obsolete.

Still, the show will deal with interlocking fates of the Connors and the Terminators, as there destinies both seem inevitable (the Connors survive and save humanity triumphantly, despite all Sky Net's attempts- yet Sky Net survives when they've destroyed it a numerous times.)

SHIRI APPLEBY NOW LIVES TO LOVE & DIE (in LA, {CA}) PRIZZI'S HONOR STYLE ON USA NET.

The friendly, yet cold-bloodily, twisted tone of the show is that Roswell's pretty ice queen, is a smug one "with intimacy issues" who searches and finds her real dad (Tim Matheson) to help with her emotional resolve.

The problem is that he is a contract killer- quickly falling out favor with his contacts. Worse still, she joins him on the job and discovers a sadistic thrill and a high degree of success under her father's wing. Basically, the show is Mr & Mrs. Smith-Family Edition. The show will air in 2008 and will be produced by
Lorne Micheals Broadway Video TV for NBC-Universal . 12 episodes are planned at this time.

Director John McTiernan Confirms he will do DIE HARD 5 w/ Bruce Willis, and it will be the last!


Also, Maggie Q (Mai Lin) could return for a rematch of brutal brawling with John McClane, as her contract (as does the other two-fisted babe in DH4-Mary E. Winstead and good geek Justin Long (who were quite attracted to each other at the end of Live Free) forces a sequel appearance options. The Original Die Hard Director confirmed his potential involvement on British TV after talking with Willis after the "smash-mouth" PG-13 rated film opened well about two weeks ago internationally.

No word on the main villain- but no one is ruling a new member of Gruber family returning, to taunt liberal, god fearing folks and the resourceful, smart ass with a badge.

Also, Q's participation depends on whether Mai survived her Celebrity Death Match at the bottom of elevator shaft (a miracle if she does.)Still, others have predicted she play a twin sister hell bent on revenge or forced to help the cowboy cop this time. The fans are also gossiping about letting Long and Winstead alter egos couple in front of the long suffering cop-in the next film.

Did Cameron Diaz & Jessica Biel Secretly audition for Wonder Woman?

Diaz didn't turn herself into a exotic brunette for nothing. She may have been secretly offered the role and was screen testing her temporarily, "wonder"ful look for the role. No comment from Warner Bros films or Diaz's people on whether this was true.

Also, weird rumors came out a few weeks ago- that Jessica Biel was going to play Asian based character Chun Li, for the upcoming Street Fighter reboot.

This is following the disastrous '90s Jean Claude Van Damme edition. Those reports have turned out to be false, as Kelly Hu and The Big Hit's China Chow have emerged as the front runners there. But, this talk--put Biel back into the short list of potential amazon contenders.

BRUCE WILLIS & MAGGIE Q's LOVE FEST OF PAIN CONTINUES.

"There were a couple of weeks where from my hip to my ankle
I was black and blue. I got knocked out, I got some stitches, " said Bruce Willis in his controversial screen fight with Asian superstar Maggie Q in Live Free or Die Hard.

"The stuff I do with Maggie is just bananas," proclaimed Willis."You would think I would be able to kick that girl's ass but not so much. I caught a beating," said the formerly Unbreakable star.

"I hit her (with a laptop computer &) with the light switch. I had her light out, she got up right off the floor and came back after me, kicked me out a window," he continued. Then a look manly pride come over him- as he playfully looked at his co-star on the red carpet, at the London premiere of the film. Willis plainly stated "I'm thinking about going over there and picking a fight with her right now."

Q heard this, & continued their verbal sparring by revealing she was "too young" to witness the original R rated masterpiece with Alan Rickman."I watched it a few years after, I think I was eight," teased the martial arts mistress.

BRUCE WILLIS & MAGGIE Q GIVE NATION GOOD REASON TO LIVE FREE OR DIE HARD.
1st Contact: Admiral
Final Rank: Captain

This is easily the best of the die hard sequels, as the story is not highly relevant and likely,but the fact the domestic terrorists (the Tim Mc Veys of the world) would do this is heartbeat and skip out the country with our hard earned 401K dollars.

I just wish that Scream 2 co-killer Tim (weird pattern developing) Olyphant did the role with his usual slickly cool swagger. Instead of the lamely,uninspiring way to do his(especially to cause this level of mayhem)geek patriot-Tom Gabriel driven to destroy the nation, in order to possible save it and net him and his girlfriend over $100 billion. Plus, his grey hair at 39 feels too much of Tom Cruise in Collateral.

Maggie Q reminds me of an obscure proverb about being soft as the rain,but painfully hard as a flood. This is why her performance so overshadowed that of her boyfriend and perhaps she should have been the lead bad guy. Once John McClaine "shoves a SUV up her ass" the bad guys lose personality and competence altogether.

Her beauty and fighting comes off as an Asian Jennifer Garner on the wrong side of the battle, and has a weird anti-chemistry with Willis. The sleazy, vicious nature of their underground prize fight- where both combatants are getting off on the sexualized violence (Particularly Bruce's McClaine!-This got a PG-13 rating!?)After losing the first round of kickboxing with her, he gets a sadistic Ike Turner look in eyes and pulverized the dangerously calm, but determined fighting beauty.

Then he picks her up like a wrestler and bloody rips out her hair-body slamming her against a metal bookcase, and then laughs about likes its funny. After she recovers, he learns to never over ugly up a girl in a fistfight and gets kicked through plate glass window almost to his death two and 1/2 stories down. That's when John finds that SUV and runs down Mai (Q) & drives them both through more glass into the elevator shaft where their painful dating ritual continues,with someone about to fall to their death.

After they trade more blows, he finally KOs Mai and climbs out the truck, in time to see her drop to her crushing, fiery death and then laughs heartily that he killed a girl, albeit a tough one. Then, Willis goes into Sarah Silverman territory stopping just shorting of making racial epitaphs while playing up the fact she's a "Asian hooker bitch" and admitting to Gabriel (Tim O) his "ninja chick" was defiantly the best of "1-800 Henchman" service.

The films other action set pieces are quite good, but nothing too original. Still, the centerpiece of the action, which keeps this old-school is what will John say after he gorily dispatches another bad guy (The best "I'll send a doctor for ya" and just walks away as the Euro trash dies ten seconds later.)He does have decent interplay which his charge, the uber-geek, tech genius played by Justin Long (Dodge ball & PC V. Mac ads.)

The film can't help but lapse into utter insanity- because once the actions starts the plot holes get larger- without somehow destroying the credibility built up- in the movie. A chase down a tunnel where Gabriel has sent cars in both directions, leading to crash a cop car into a killer helicopter was ballsy genius.

The thing is almost destroys the enjoyment level is the fact that- John MC. this time...is quite creepy this time around. As stated, the REAL climax (Q. V. Willis)is exhilarating to watch, but is quite creepy considering the rating given. You feel John is working out what he really like to do to Holly for leaving him (they divorced six years ago.) Plus, one can practically sense his orgasmic fever during his face-off with Mai Lin (Also, that fact that Mai refuses to talk to him during the battle while he taunts her constantly {Muhammad Ali style}-relates to the state of mind of the charaters quite well.) If the film was better written it could have ended there.If there is a fifth one, it would cool and ironic if they gave John his fantasy-a hot martial artist woman that can be his sidekick in the final chapter. Someone call Kelly Hu or Lucy Lui!

McClaine doesn't help himself by stalking his daughter at college campus early on, when its apparent she quite sexually active and can take care of herself. It gives the iconic, reluctant hero a Chris Benoit(murder-suicide) vibe that takes away from his rooting factor at key moments.

Still if you can get past that, the lapse in logic and many asides to recent action films in past 15 years or so, with True Lies racing to the forefront a lot in this. It's perfect popcorn movie for this summer, if you're adult.

Director Len Wiseman (the Underworld series)seems very professional and dedicated during the battles, but gave Hard too much of vanilla presence when there's no action on the screen.

Finally, Mary Elizabeth Winstead and Kevin Smith make the most of parts without as being annoying as they could have been. One thing- at one point in the main climax Lucy McClain disarms the bad guys gun the same way Mai took apart John's gun. Did they go to the same advance, self-defense course for babes?

DON'T FORGET THE LYRICS MC SINGS THE TUNE OF DIVORCE.

Wayne Brady is filing against, his one-time better half- Mandie last Friday. They've been unionized for seven years, & share a four year old daughter called Malie, which in Hawaiian symbolizes the leaf found in most flower leis, departing the plane at the airports.

Both have requested to pay their own legal bills, but for the sake of tradition- the wife is asking for spousal support from the signing game show host's coffers.Brady's new prime-time, reality game commences July 11Th at 9:30PM ET/8:30 Central.

FOR THOSE THAT GIVE A F&^%: PARIS IS FREE...2B A SLUT AGAIN.

CANDICE OF HEROES LEAVES SHOW TO HELP REAPER ON CW NET.

Missy Peregrym's alter ego-who was killed at the end of a brutal fistfight with "Jessica"(Ali Larter) by taking an ultra punch to the bridge of her nose (crushing her brain instantly) will be rewarded- with a new life on the dark upstart rip-off of Ghost Rider (hopefully without the cheesiness this time.)

She replaced thespian Nikki Reed from the pilot and will portray the love stuck sidekick of "Satan's bounty hunter" (Bret Harrison.) Twin Peaks alum Ray Wise is the prince of darkness for this show.

ADAM SESLER'S STRAIGHT-NESS IS A...FIVE OUT OF 5!!

STOP,EXCLUSIVE TIME!

The male half of the faux-evil, sarcastic duo on G4TV's top rated comedy/game review series, was caught on date with a woman. Homophobic, Tom Cruise like charges from have plagued the popular X-Play host for some time now (by Adam's own mentioning ON THE SHOW FOR YEARS- Including the show's own message boards occasionally.)

The Sess took his docile, Asian princess (apparently named Amber)- to a showing of the cult hit, art house film, Black Sheep at a Santa Monica,CA movie theatre-near the beach. He shared popcorn with his date and bought them each a large Fuji water and payed almost $15 on his credit card.

As usual, the host had to reassure fans that in fact "{Morgan Webb} was a gamer" but added she's "great to work with." Then, the TV star disappeared into the theatre with his lady love. When the theatre's manager witnessed this, he stated with lame bitterness, "You know the film will be a hit, when some(obscure) cable TV host shows up."

EDDIE MURPHY IS SCARY SPICE'S BABY'S DADDY AFTER ALL.

The Oscar nominated comic submitted to blood test in Early June and the results have come back...positive. Sherman Klump and Scary Spice (Melanie Brown) dated for six months and then mysteriously broke up. Then, when Alex Foley went on a dutch talk show, the host congratulated Murphy on his new baby with her and Norbit went berserk.

Since the results are in, Brown expects an apology and for Murphy to own up to his responsibilities. She stated that "this isn't about the money, it's about Angel (A.Iris Murphy Brown) knowing for sure who her dad is." It's been inferred that Scary is worth $10 million on her own, but Eddie was the billionaire box office king of the '80s- is looking to protect his vast mega million dollar portfolio.

MRS. SMITH: BEHIND HER MIGHTY 'EYE'.

WILL SUPERGIRL HELP FINALLY GROW CLARK UP TO SUPERMAN STATUS ON SMALLVILLE.

Cousin Kara will be used to fill in info gaps in the computerized Jor-El (co-programmed by General Zod!) that has plague the show harshly since season 2. She will be able to fly and have full powers (she'll do things Clark hasn't done yet.)

Apparently, she was sent to Earth about the same time Kent(Tom Welling)was. However, she was trapped in space and in suspended animation for 16 years. Also, her presence may finally lead Clark accepting his destiny as Superman and helping defeat his Bizarro version.

If her character is popular...a spin-off will launch next fall.