"THE GOOD, THE BAD, & THE DOMINATRIX," EX-O.C.-ER MELINDA CLARKE RETURNS TO CSI.

The CSI: Vegas team will investigate another death linked, to the classiest S&M madam in the Nevada. Grissom (Will Petersen) and Co. will be tracking down clues at a Wild West theme park where Lady Heather (Clarke) is now working.

This is after she nearly whipped to death, the prime suspect in the murder of one of her loved ones. The crew kept a tight lid on the story-only confirming that the neck hanging attack on her-may expose Sara (Jorja Fox) and Gil's relationship and will affect it in a unique way.

On the day of the shoot, Clarke was dressed in a cheesy, "hoe"-down dress, and seemed slickly cool as ice. Big Cheese Will Petersen even had remark directed at our reporter,"When you're done, I gotta job for you. You can shovel horse$*&^ behind George Eads (Nick Stokes.)" The journalist then mumbled back, "Who's George Eads?"

LIVE FREE OR DIE HARD, MO' FO'!!
-THE LAST, REAL....NON-CGI B.S., ACTION THRILLER IS BACK AT THE PARTY, PAL.

POSH SPICE'S BITCHINESS- THREAT TO DERAILING NEW PRIME TIME SHOW.

"She waltzes around with her icy attitude." told a key staffer on the new NBC show on her husband's trip to save U.S. big league soccer. "We think she's full of herself and not very nice. She's very picky, demanding and rude."

She frequently ignores all staff and is prone to child-like temper tantrums over minor incidents. "The show is designed to make her a star in the States, but she's dreaming if she thinks that's going to happen," stated the upper-management crew man.

ONCE BRITNEY SPEARS REGROWS HER HAIR--SHE'LL WRITE A TELL ALL NOVEL WITH K-FED (!?), FOR $10 MILLION.

After her latest stint in rehab, she'll claim in the book, that the Paparazzi drove her to depression, hair sheering craziness and as most had feared- to near suicide. Kevin Federline will add his take on the parts of "her" story that actually involve him.

UGLY BETTY STAR FORCED INTO PANTS FOR SEQUEL.

America Ferrera, due to a pre-existing sequel option in contract, shall be forced to star in The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2, along with Alexis "Gilmore Girls/Sin City" Bidel, and Amber Tamblyn (Beloved, but departed Joan of Arcadia.)

The Warner Bros. movie will begin filming in June, when her show is on hiatus. It's considered a first since, since most modern chick flicks rarely get follow-ups. Ferrera will get top billing, when she was third after the title- in the first film.

DESPITE HIS IMMENSE LIKABILITY, IS PATRICK "MCDREAMY" DEMPSEY....
THE MOST HATED AT GREY'S ANATOMY??

Most woman consider him prime breeding material, even lesbians!? Still,
the hero of TV's No. 1 show... may the most reviled among the other cast members, particularly those that are supposed to be his on-air rivals (Issiah {I hate F*&(ots} Washington.)

This feeling is surprising, giving Dempsey's chipper attitude and witty retorts. This charge is also weird, despite other dumb ass/diva attitudes from the rest of the cast: Washington-already mentioned, Knocked Up's Katty Heigl salary fight, stemming from the controversy with forcibly, outed friend T.R. Knight, and Ellen Pompeo's outrageous salary demands and tendency to belittle the 16 hour working crew members.

IS THE SANJAYA MALAKAR EFFECT, AN EXAMPLE OF ART IMITATING AMERICAN DREAMZ??!!

Score-
First Contact: Lt. Cmdr.
Official Rank: Lt.

I actually saw this in theatre, but obviously the film was made for DVD, as it quickly tanked about a year ago. Still, this parody of America's monster hit talent competition, finds this season's American Idol is following the little seen movie- a little too closely.

Basically, Hugh Grant beautifully plays- the fusion of Simon Cowell and Ryan Seacrest of the Dreamz show and thinks its just of another season of looking for suckers, one of whom will get to be a real pop star.

This year, Mandy Moore's wanna-be, slightly classier Britney type, is caught faking her emotions on her tryout tape. Grant- after a worrisome pause, declares her "A Dirty Little Bitch," instantly falls in love with her and basically attempts to rig the show in her favor.

Her key rival, a Arab refugee- Omer Obeidi with a winning drive and smile. He sings these OK, pro-American songs that somehow keep getting passes from the U.S. voters. Worse yet, the kid is forced by old, terrorist ties to get to the finals, so they can blow-up the audience and crew in the million dollar round across the country.

I remember the audience of this satire actually connecting with the 1-D characters, Grant (snarky, and vain) and Moore (whose selfish & frigid) do end up together and strike that final match of violence, when the Malakar like kid, comes to his senses & dumps the explosives in the restroom (before meeting the Bush-like U.S. president, the target of the attack.)

Her well-meaning, but thick headed boyfriend (Chris Klein) finds Grant & Moore doing it backstage.

He finds the bomb and exposes them as cheats during her act. Long story short- Grant while convincing the Solider boy, not blow up the studio, (successfully figuring he just wanted to blow off some his anger), accidentally sets off the bomb with the camera and kills them both. Everyone else escapes, inclined the Prez and Moore, dolled up- but covered in dark dust. Moore and Omer both lose the money- to Klein by popular vote. Moore...despite cheating, ends up the new host of the show. Only on FOX.

The film is good for rental as the film is funny, even when the bad mix of media and political satire never go well together. Seth Meyers from SNL and Dennis Quaid's dead-on impression of the nation's least popular and arguably, dumbest leader- add to the film unbalanced equation. Its has very good moments that don't add up too much in message or understanding. Dreamz gives encompasses a that was fun feel, but ultimately becomes very pointless and instantly forgettable.

But, what do you think about the film and/or the odd similarity to the real Idol competition? Click on the comments tab & Type away...

UPDATE ON 24 SPIN-OFF, NOW CALLED COMPANY MAN.

Roswell alum Jason Behr (Max Evans) will be one dragged into espionage work by the NSA through Heroes co-star Stana Katic. The pilot will have the man attempted to find enough info to destroy a defense contracting firm, with an possible SD-6-esque tie to a terrorist sleeper cell.

EDDIE MURPHY GOES WARP NINE, OVER A "WHITE" HOT GIRL, IN STARSHIP DAVE!!

DUDE, THIS IS AN EXCLUSIVE!!

In the film- Murphy plays....a living starship run by mini-aliens that are friendly, who are doing recon. exploration on Earth (there's NO other way to say this.)

The aliens' mission is compromised when "the ship" appears to be falling in love with an Earth woman, The 40 Year old Virgin's Elizabeth Banks (the girl who screwed a shower facet as a warm-up for Steve Carell!!)

The naturally sweet, high concept, romantic comedy also stars Gabrielle Union and Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back's cameoist Marc Blucas who may help or are trying to destroy this paring.

Right now, a highly realistic carnival is in the New York area of Universal Studios, Hollywood. Hundreds of extras are having a decent time, riding a huge functional roller coaster, tilt a whirl and a Ferris wheel.

Ex-80's sit-com star, producer of Smallville, and arrogant scumbag, director Brain Robbins (alleged by his ex wife) gives the two and 1/2 block spectacle, true authenticity. The best example of which is the lame, obscure arcade games in the back ground (a barely working Sega Power Drift game, late '70s shooting alley and a clown ball rolling game.) I guess modern Carnies can't afford OutRun 2, Time Crisis 3, and/or Tekken 4 & 5?

THIS WEEK- ON...TO CATCH A PREDATOR: 3 SOON TO BE EX-DISNEY EMPLOYEES...

In Florida, Fox News ("your voice for evil") confirmed on their website that three men: "Julio Segundo, a 21-year-old intern; Richard Gaugh, a 55-year-old part-time instructor at Disney's Animal Kingdom; and Thierry Ferron, a 44-year-old electronics technician," were caught in "Operation Cyber Hawk, an undercover operation aimed at luring sexual predators out of the woodwork."

Disney refused comment- other than to state through Zoraya Suarez- their PR rep, is taking the incidents "seriously" and must "take appropriate action."



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ASHLEY JUDD'S HIGH CRIME: INFERTILITY!?



An unconfirmed report states that the Ensign Lefler's "plumbing is (all) fucked up" and is seeking help with alternate means of legal conception.

Details are still sketchy and may explain why the actor's plate has been so empty lately, as she and her husband have been trying to emotionally deal the pain and pressure of family. More to come, if and when it comes in.

BEING JOHN MALKOVICH IS HELL (SOMETIMES.)

At a well-kept Santa Monica eatery, a crew member grips about working on an alleged update to the Arthur C. Riley classic 2001: A Space Odyssey. They were shooting footage outside, and some lookie-loos came over to this gentleman.

They asked for what movie they were shooting and he told them. Then, they asked who the star was and he said John Malkovich. The barely 18 yr. old girl innocently replied,"Oh...Who's that?" The crew member rolled his eyes to his best friend, as their order arrived.

MARCIA! MARCIA! MARCIA! WAS ON COCAINE?! COCAINE?! COCAINE!?

Maureen McCormick: timeless hottie & hopelessly trapped in mod 70's looks, on the classic sit-com, The Brady Bunch is finally dealing with some huge skeletons in her past.

She confirmed that she had an eating disorder (bulimia-overeating & throwing up food) and the snorting of the white pony. The vomiting began, soon after she returned to public school at age 17.

Then, a scumbag boyfriend gave the now 50 year old ex-actress, her first fix with snow.Only through "therapy and faith" has helped Lady Brady off her dangerous addictions.

TERRENCE HOWARD'S PRIDE, LEAD HIM TO A SALACIOUS HIT ON A BLOND IN TAXI.

“I want you to pop the zits on my back with your teeth,” said the Hustle and Flow ex-pimp,to the Jeri Ryan-like glamazon.“And you can tell Page Six!,” the prominent actor stated-from a New York cabbie who "swears" to this story,but is afraid to be named from it.

GRAY'S SANDRA OH, A REAL AMERICAN HERO!

She was shopping in a supermarket- while still wearing her scrubs from the set of TV's new #1 show. A baby began choking, inside the San Fernando store- when the ex-Arli$$ star heard this.

Fearlessly (and with her training from the medical consults on the show,) the fake doctor took the infant and started hitting his back hard repeatedly- while the baby was upside down. Then, the candy that was trying to kill the child, was expelled from its mouth. The mom thanked the actress, while the child cried and attempted to regain normal breathing.

MEDIA BYTES: J. LO HER OWN "IDOL" & GEICO CAVEMAN TO GET THEIR OWN SHOW!!







MTV Tr3s, the Latino arm of the station confirmed that Jennifer Lopez will be a guest judge and sing her latest single- on the singing competition extravaganza. It should happen, sometime next month- in time of the CD's release.






ABC-TV confirmed that ad man, Joe Lawson's idea for Geico's "... So easy a Caveman could do it" spots-will give its angry, articulate, Armani wearing Neanderthals- their own single, camera sit-com.





No word on whether Lawson, also responsible for the infamous Tiny House and the long, running British spouting, gecko of the insurance outfit, will be working on the show. The cave actors in the spots are in talks to join the program.

HEROES STAR BEING READIED FOR 24 COMPANION PIECE IN THE FALL.

Jon Cassar- created the spin-off of the every second counts thriller, called NSA: Innocence. The show, plays like Alias in reverse- as a yet to be named male is brought into the world of espionage and spying.

Stana Katic, (Hana from Heroes) will be the Sydney Bristo-like character, that helps him adjust to his new, Bondian life.

The actress is also an Alias alum and has been featured on ER and the little seen action flick, Pit Fighter. Looks like, she will have a short life, as a Hero, or herione.

GREY'S ANATOMY SPIN-OFF IN THE WORKS! (UPDATE)

-Kate Walsh's Dr Addison Montgomery-Shepherd will star.

The show's producers is prepping a two-hour "back-door" pilot that would air at the top of the May ratings sweeps period. It goes with out saying it will do well in the ratings. Still, if become an artistic masterstroke- similar to the ensemble, "new" Hollywood medical drama, it could be on the ABC schedule by fall of 2007.

Update (2/24/07) : Taye Diggs- of the noble, but crashed Groundhog Day as 24 thriller, Daybreak will co-star and executive produce, the stealth May pilot with creator Shondra Rimes. Finally, a rumor has come forward that Karyn Parsons (Fresh Prince of Bel Air, Lush Life) will play a relative of the Diggs character and create working family tension.

ONCE CAMERON GOES BLACK....

-Angels Star and Blood Diamond Kingpin now an item.

Djimon Hounsou, co-star of Blood Diamond and Cameron Diaz are dating. This is after Cameron's much publicized break up and public spats with white soul brother # 2, Justin Timberlake.

Honsou, is up for an Oscar for his involvement with in the Leo Dicap. film. Right now, actresses consider him- the biggest sexual catch of the year. Tabloids have pegged the pair, the next power couple in town that will last for years, before they break-up spectacularly.

IS KATE BECKINGSALE ANOTHER, ARROGANT BRITISH ACTRESS?

DUDE, THIS IS AN EXCLUSIVE!!!

The Tonight Show's supervising producer Larry Goitia, was attempting to show last week's guest- Underworld mistress Kate Beckinsale around the set. The guy attempted to curry favor with Union Jack actress, as she arrived, but she would have none of it.

Pointblank, the Click co-star told him to "get the #### away from my limo!" When Larry G. attempted to find out the problem and show her to her dressing room again, she repeated her vile remark. Since, she has done the show many times before, and had some pent-up hate for the man, she just walked right into the studio and found her own way.

Some construction workers watched this display, they just looked at the Tonight show producer...and greatly laughed their asses off.