LEA THOMPSON KNOWS THE SECRET OF LESBIANS, ER...SOCCER MOMS.

DIRTY DANCER GETS CANCER AND BAI LING WAS ROBBED, IN COURT.

LOST'S TV GUIDE COVER SHOOT.

REESE WITHERSPOON TO COMBAT...STUPID NEW LOHAN REALITY SERIES (BAD MOM DINA, BAD. NO REESE DOLLARS 4U!)

7 OF 9 PROCREATES AND AMERICAN-AFRICAN ACTRESS, KERRY WASHINGTON HONORED.

ONION NEWS-FCC "CLAIMS" ONLY ALYSON HANNIGAN CAN GO NUDE IN PRIME-TIME

PLAYER HATERS-
THAT A-HOLE GUY...THAT USED TO BE MARRIED TO EVA LONGORIA (THE FAKE ONE, ON THE SHOW.)

[NEW SEGMENT]
Alleged scumbag actor and Desperate Housewives B- actor, Ricardo Chavira, apparently attacked a customer whom he didn't even know, at video game store at City Walk. The customer was leaving the store, as the thespian thought he was being recognized again. But, the man silently walk past the pretty boy, one time Monk villain.

The ass replied to the non-existent slight- by saying, "Well it it isn't the tooth fairy." The man didn't reply to the statement,except to angrily star back- in the ugly face of simulated, televised evil. Then,the man looked down in sad disgust, at Chavira's daughter, to whom he was teaching institutionalized homophobia.

The man relieved that, while no macho man, was NOT GAY! He didn't even know, who Carlos Solis was? He admitted, like most real men "stopped watching the show regularly after the first" landmark season of middle aged, sex fest soap.

SEMI-PRO TOPS AND AMY ADAMS TRIES FOR A SECOND HIT MOVIE.

ANGELINA JOLIE WANTS FINANCIAL AID SENT TO IRAQ, FOR THE IRAQIS-NOT THE WAR EFFORT.

SARAH MICHELLE GELLAR...NUDE!!!! (FOR REAL...KINDA OF)

THE INSIDER AS A GAME SHOW-CELEBRITY SAYS WITH DAVE HOLMES.

KIRSTIE ALLEY ANGRY-JENNY CRAIG HELPS VALERIE BERTINELLI GET HER FIGURE BACK AND A NEW SYNDICATED TALK SHOW.

CBS will develop the show, for the former One Day at a Timer for a 2009-10 launch fall launch. The early days of the show- will focus on her hit book- Losing It: Gaining My Life Back One Pound at a Time.

It claims to her admitting to be a notorious "slut" and quite frankly a "druggie."

In addition, she will headline a TV movie, True Confessions of a Hollywood Starlet on the Lifetime network and an A & E Biography will be done on her.

LAPD THINKS SAM LUTFI DRUGGED FORMER POP TART, BRITNEY SPEARS

CSI:NY STAR HILL HARPER, IS BARACK OBAMA'S BEST FRIEND.

JAMIE-LYNN SIGLER TAKES ON LAX

JANET JACKSON'S NEW CD & O.C. STAR SLAPPED WITH DUI,

JAMIE LYNN PROVES TO BE SLIGHTLY SMARTER THAN HER BIG SISTER.

OSCAR DISAPPOINTMENT OF THE NIGHT: BUTCH TILDA SWINTON WINS OVER FAVE RUBY DEE.

LILO IS MARILYN (HOPES SHE DOESN'T DIE LIKE HER.)

THE SEMI PRO PREMIERE.

X BOX 360'S GUITAR HERO MARCHES ON.

J. LO HAS TWINS, AS BIG AS HER ASS AND BRANGELINA WORKS.

ROBERT DOWNEY JR. PLAYS ED ROONEY TYPE, OUT TO GET NEWCOMER CHARLIE BARTLETT.

JESSICA SIMPSON'S BLOND AMBITION IS A HUGE HIT...IN EASTERN EUROPE.

RAP REUNION

PINK DIVORCES AND OWEN WILSON READY TO WORK WITH J. ANI

NICOLE KIDMAN TO PLAY LEAKED CIA AGENT IN NEW FLICK.

She'll be Valerie Plame; she was targeted back in 2003 by the Washington Post.

The film is based on Plame autobiography, "Fair Game: My Life as a Spy, My Betrayal by the White House." Politico Joseph Wilson's lady was forced to quit, her 20 year of patriotic service- when she marked, as "an agency operative on weapons of mass destruction."

Director Doug Liman finally gets his chance to work with Nicole Kidman, after going with his combative second choice Angie Jolie (Mr. & Mrs. Smith) after Kidman was forced to drop out, helping her nemesis save her career and love life.

Liman fed MTV News this statement: “I have a really, really insane take on how to tell it. It’s so outrageous." That's because, national security issues ended up censoring much of the book.

HEIDI KLUM WANTS TO HELP BRITNEY SPEARS.

SIN CITY'S CARLA CUGINO

LATE UPDATE-(PERSONAL ISSUES, SORRY.)-UPI'S REBECCA FIELDS

SHAKIRA NEWS

UMA THURMAN'S NEW MOVIE

MUSICIAN 50 CENT HOSTS NAKED PING PONG TOURNEY.

RAPPER DR. DRE WANTS THE POLICE HELPS AND A STONE TEMPLE PILOTS REUNION.

STRIKEWATCH ENDS!! WRITERS BACK AT WORK- WITH NEW MEDIA DEAL.ALSO, PARIS HILTON'S BROTHER PROVES THAT DUI IS A FAMILY CURSE.

KANYE WEST,TINA TURNER AND BEYONCE AT THE GRAMMYS

MEL GIBSON SCREWS OVER WRITER AND BRITNEY SPEARS DOES SOMETHING POSITIVE AND SELFLESS.

KATE WALSH THINKS "DOGS RULE!!"

STRIKEWATCH FOR WRITERS MAYBE COMING TO AN END.

NIP/TUCK WITH VICTORIA SECRET MODELS

MARY JANE IN REHAB AND KANYE WEST HONORS HIS MOM.

BRITNEY SPEARS ON THE LOOSE AGAIN. CAN SHE LOSE THE PAPS AND GET HER MONEY BACK?

IT'S OFFICAL! HEATH LEDGER DIES OF ACCIDENTAL DRUG OVERDOSE

"BRING IT ON!" LENNY KRAVITZ AND SHERYL CROWE ARE BACK.

J. LO TO HAVE TWINS AND SEX...CITY STAR KRISTEN DAVIS, CARES ABOUT AFRICA.

BRANGELINA HITS THE SANTA BARBARA FILM FEST.

ROBERT DENIRO IS FOR BARACK OBAMA AND SEAN COMBS ACTS AGAIN.

IS AMERICAN IDOL JUDGE PAULA ABDUL BACK, AFTER SUPERBOWL REDUX?

GABRIELLE LIVES! RENEE 'O CONNER SUPPORTS WRITERS IN BURBANK

BRITNEY'S EVIL PARENTS GRAB CONTROL OF HER FORTUNE,DUE TO HER "ILLNESS."