7 OF 9 PROCREATES AND AMERICAN-AFRICAN ACTRESS, KERRY WASHINGTON HONORED.

ONION NEWS-FCC "CLAIMS" ONLY ALYSON HANNIGAN CAN GO NUDE IN PRIME-TIME

PLAYER HATERS-
THAT A-HOLE GUY...THAT USED TO BE MARRIED TO EVA LONGORIA (THE FAKE ONE, ON THE SHOW.)

[NEW SEGMENT]
Alleged scumbag actor and Desperate Housewives B- actor, Ricardo Chavira, apparently attacked a customer whom he didn't even know, at video game store at City Walk. The customer was leaving the store, as the thespian thought he was being recognized again. But, the man silently walk past the pretty boy, one time Monk villain.

The ass replied to the non-existent slight- by saying, "Well it it isn't the tooth fairy." The man didn't reply to the statement,except to angrily star back- in the ugly face of simulated, televised evil. Then,the man looked down in sad disgust, at Chavira's daughter, to whom he was teaching institutionalized homophobia.

The man relieved that, while no macho man, was NOT GAY! He didn't even know, who Carlos Solis was? He admitted, like most real men "stopped watching the show regularly after the first" landmark season of middle aged, sex fest soap.

SEMI-PRO TOPS AND AMY ADAMS TRIES FOR A SECOND HIT MOVIE.

ANGELINA JOLIE WANTS FINANCIAL AID SENT TO IRAQ, FOR THE IRAQIS-NOT THE WAR EFFORT.

SARAH MICHELLE GELLAR...NUDE!!!! (FOR REAL...KINDA OF)

THE INSIDER AS A GAME SHOW-CELEBRITY SAYS WITH DAVE HOLMES.

KIRSTIE ALLEY ANGRY-JENNY CRAIG HELPS VALERIE BERTINELLI GET HER FIGURE BACK AND A NEW SYNDICATED TALK SHOW.

CBS will develop the show, for the former One Day at a Timer for a 2009-10 launch fall launch. The early days of the show- will focus on her hit book- Losing It: Gaining My Life Back One Pound at a Time.

It claims to her admitting to be a notorious "slut" and quite frankly a "druggie."

In addition, she will headline a TV movie, True Confessions of a Hollywood Starlet on the Lifetime network and an A & E Biography will be done on her.

LAPD THINKS SAM LUTFI DRUGGED FORMER POP TART, BRITNEY SPEARS

CSI:NY STAR HILL HARPER, IS BARACK OBAMA'S BEST FRIEND.

JAMIE-LYNN SIGLER TAKES ON LAX

JANET JACKSON'S NEW CD & O.C. STAR SLAPPED WITH DUI,

JAMIE LYNN PROVES TO BE SLIGHTLY SMARTER THAN HER BIG SISTER.

OSCAR DISAPPOINTMENT OF THE NIGHT: BUTCH TILDA SWINTON WINS OVER FAVE RUBY DEE.

LILO IS MARILYN (HOPES SHE DOESN'T DIE LIKE HER.)

THE SEMI PRO PREMIERE.

X BOX 360'S GUITAR HERO MARCHES ON.

J. LO HAS TWINS, AS BIG AS HER ASS AND BRANGELINA WORKS.

ROBERT DOWNEY JR. PLAYS ED ROONEY TYPE, OUT TO GET NEWCOMER CHARLIE BARTLETT.

JESSICA SIMPSON'S BLOND AMBITION IS A HUGE HIT...IN EASTERN EUROPE.

RAP REUNION

PINK DIVORCES AND OWEN WILSON READY TO WORK WITH J. ANI

NICOLE KIDMAN TO PLAY LEAKED CIA AGENT IN NEW FLICK.

She'll be Valerie Plame; she was targeted back in 2003 by the Washington Post.

The film is based on Plame autobiography, "Fair Game: My Life as a Spy, My Betrayal by the White House." Politico Joseph Wilson's lady was forced to quit, her 20 year of patriotic service- when she marked, as "an agency operative on weapons of mass destruction."

Director Doug Liman finally gets his chance to work with Nicole Kidman, after going with his combative second choice Angie Jolie (Mr. & Mrs. Smith) after Kidman was forced to drop out, helping her nemesis save her career and love life.

Liman fed MTV News this statement: “I have a really, really insane take on how to tell it. It’s so outrageous." That's because, national security issues ended up censoring much of the book.

HEIDI KLUM WANTS TO HELP BRITNEY SPEARS.

SIN CITY'S CARLA CUGINO

LATE UPDATE-(PERSONAL ISSUES, SORRY.)-UPI'S REBECCA FIELDS

SHAKIRA NEWS

UMA THURMAN'S NEW MOVIE

MUSICIAN 50 CENT HOSTS NAKED PING PONG TOURNEY.

RAPPER DR. DRE WANTS THE POLICE HELPS AND A STONE TEMPLE PILOTS REUNION.

STRIKEWATCH ENDS!! WRITERS BACK AT WORK- WITH NEW MEDIA DEAL.ALSO, PARIS HILTON'S BROTHER PROVES THAT DUI IS A FAMILY CURSE.

KANYE WEST,TINA TURNER AND BEYONCE AT THE GRAMMYS

MEL GIBSON SCREWS OVER WRITER AND BRITNEY SPEARS DOES SOMETHING POSITIVE AND SELFLESS.

KATE WALSH THINKS "DOGS RULE!!"

STRIKEWATCH FOR WRITERS MAYBE COMING TO AN END.

NIP/TUCK WITH VICTORIA SECRET MODELS

MARY JANE IN REHAB AND KANYE WEST HONORS HIS MOM.

BRITNEY SPEARS ON THE LOOSE AGAIN. CAN SHE LOSE THE PAPS AND GET HER MONEY BACK?

IT'S OFFICAL! HEATH LEDGER DIES OF ACCIDENTAL DRUG OVERDOSE

"BRING IT ON!" LENNY KRAVITZ AND SHERYL CROWE ARE BACK.

J. LO TO HAVE TWINS AND SEX...CITY STAR KRISTEN DAVIS, CARES ABOUT AFRICA.

BRANGELINA HITS THE SANTA BARBARA FILM FEST.

ROBERT DENIRO IS FOR BARACK OBAMA AND SEAN COMBS ACTS AGAIN.

IS AMERICAN IDOL JUDGE PAULA ABDUL BACK, AFTER SUPERBOWL REDUX?

GABRIELLE LIVES! RENEE 'O CONNER SUPPORTS WRITERS IN BURBANK

BRITNEY'S EVIL PARENTS GRAB CONTROL OF HER FORTUNE,DUE TO HER "ILLNESS."

MILEY CYRUS: BOX OFFICE QUEEN AND BRITNEY SPEARS EXTENDS HER "STAY" AT A NUT HOUSE.

WESLEY SNIPES: INNOCENT...OF TAX FREAUD FELONIES!
-TAX FREAUD MISDEMEANORS, ANOTHER STORY.

The Blade:Trinty star had been aquitted of all major charges. Still, he was found guilty of failing to file his taxes, on three MISDEMEANOR counts. He could still face 3 years in a Club Fed facility. He also beat-three other lesser charges- against the currently, conservative government.He took the IRS for millions of dollars.

The thespian was quoted on People.com: "I'm feeling great – a little confused, but great." On possible prison time,"I don't know. It's nice to be out here with you right now. We live in the moment."

Snipes continues: "Of course you would be nervous. You're on trial. Anybody
would have a certain amount of anxiety about that. But I have a great
deal of faith in the Most High and the Good Lord and the truth shall
set you free. So, I'm looking forward to being free, going back to
what I do best."

The New Jack City kingpin's latest picture is called Gallowwalker, he filmed this in Africa- near Namibia.

GEORGE CLOONEY: PEACE WARRIOR AND JESSICA ALBA HAS...THE EYE!

BRITTANY MURPHY AT SUNDANCE

MONTEL WILLIAMS IS STILL ON THE AIR? PLUS, SPEARS BACK IN A MENTAL WARD.

EVA L.-PARKER'S NEW FLICK AND GWEN STAFANI WITH CHILD AGAIN.

BRITNEY SPEARS TO SEE SHRINK.

SAG AWARDS, HAYDEN PANETTIERE AND SPARTANS KILL AT THE BOX OFFICE.

AWESOME, CHILLIN' WITH BARTOWSKI.

AMY WINEHOUSE FINALLY SAYS YES!YES!YES! TO REHAB.

JESSICA ALBA HAS BREST FEEDING ISSUES.

HEATH LEDGER'S DEATH--ACCIDENTAL DRUG OVERDOSE?

BRITNEY'S SCUMBAG PAPARAZZI BOYFRIEND SPEAKS

TRAVOLTA FIGHTS BACK AGAINST ANTI-SCIENTOLOGISTS.

ALL NEW JOKER, HEATH LEDGER COMMITS SUICIDE.

UNKNOWN HOLLYWOOD STUDIO--SHUTS DOWN MARVIN GAYE BIOPIC.

Director D. Stevens claims, a major Hollywood studio has shut down funding on his new project "and told him to keep his mouth shut about the project."

Apparently, the man believes the studio is conspiring to the squeeze him out and steal all the money for itself.Also, the script maybe a WGA strike violation and the studio isn't taking any chances--with the Feds looking in,on their bloody,bitter war with Hollywood producers.

EDDIE MURPHY DIVORCES AFTER TWO WEEKS! DID HE PULL A MARIO LOPEZ(CHEATED DURING THE HONEYMOON?)

BUFFY AND RICK O'CONNELL, ATTEND A PREMIERE WITH DIRECTOR ANDY GARCIA.

K-FED TELLS THE MEDIA TO GO TO HELL, FOR RUINING BRIT AND THEIR RELATIONSHIP.

EVA LONGORIA NOT CHEATED ON, DENIES PREGNANCY RUMOR.

UNION STRUCK GOLDEN GLOBES, HANDS OUT ITS AWARDS.

LILO'S NEW SEX TOY.

IS WILL SMITH BECOMING SCIENTOLOGY'S NEW TOY?

The I Am Legend star--recently give "wrap presents" on his latest opus, Hancook to the cast and crew. At the bottom of the gift bag, was a free personality test good at any Scientology center. The religion uses the test for recruitment purposes to fix character flaws for fees later on.

The star is rather cozy these days with Tom Cruise, perceived to be the No 2 man in the religion.He told the Nancy O'Dell hosted Access Hollywood,“I was introduced to it by Tom, and I’m a student of world religion. I was raised in a Baptist household. I went to a Catholic school, but the ideas of the Bible are 98% the same ideas of Scientology, 98% the same ideas of Hinduism and Buddhism.”

PREGNANT JAMIE LYNN SPEARS SCORES ON TV, AND VINCE VAUGHN AND JENNI ANNISTON STILL FRIENDS, AFTER BREAK UP.

JOHNNY DEEP WINS BIG, AT UNION STRUCK AWARD

J. LO ON HER PREGNANCY

SLIM SHADY BEING OVERCHARGED IN HOSPITAL, JUST LIKE THE REST OF US.

TOM CRUISE'S LEGAL EAGLE, BLASTS BOOK ABOUT HIS CLIENT.
Source: Reuters

Tom Cruise: An Unauthorized Biography "is outrageous, sick stuff," decided Bert Fields. The St Martin's Press book--from the U.K.'s Andrew Morton claims that, Cruise has quieted the wives on their true feeling--about the star and/or Scientology, particularly his Oscar wining, Aussie Ex-wife Nicole Kidman.

Fields stated,"His book is a rehash of tired old lies about Tom and his religion, some new grotesque lies, like the sick comparison of his child to 'Rosemary's Baby'
and the nutty assertion that he's the No. 2 head of the Church of Scientology"

The book goes on, to intone that Kidman would be blacklisted or blackmailed--
by not allowing her visitation of their two adopted children, if Cruise or the religion were attacked with any direct fervor.

"Clearly the book is actionable...The man should be ashamed of himself and so should his publisher" without knowing who Tommy Boy was for the past 30+ years. A spokesman's for the publisher responded with, "We stand by our book and our author."

BRITNEY'S DAD HAS HIS OWN BREAKDOWN/BREAKTHROUGH

BRITNEY'S WEEKEND OF PAIN AND IGNORANCE.

SPEARS ATTEMPTS SUICIDE AROUND HER KIDS

BRITNEY SPEARS ANGERS HER OWN LAWYERS.

IS NICOLE KIDMAN WITH CHILD AND SINGER FERGIE GETS ENGAGED.

IS MOVIE PRODUCER TRACY EDMOUNDS, READY FOR EDDIE??

INVISIBLE WOMAN TO WED AND STILL GIVE BIRTH

BARRON HILTON,GRANDFATHER OF PARIS, WILL GIVE $2.3 BILLION TO CHARITY (INCLUDING HER SHARE.)

Paris will still see $5 million--after the the bulk of the funds go "to help the homeless with housing, find safe water in developing countries and assist other good causes around the world." This is down from $95 million (pre-sex tape) with the old man clearly punishing the so-called, calculating slut.

As a reality TV star and a party circuit magnate, Paris will still See about $6 million per year, as Barron declared--as readied the money (97% of his net worth)for the Conrad N. Hilton Foundation,"and I am proud to follow my father's example."

A FAKE,SAPPHIC JOKE PHOTO BY HANNAH MONTANA, COULD LEAD 2 LATEST SCANDAL ON KIDS TV.

Miley Cyrus proved her fans--have little sense of humor, with clearly joke intended pseudo-kiss with licorice (Lady and the Tramp style) between the tween icon and a unknown friend.

After the Jamie Lynn Spears baby bombshell and That's So Raven star, Raven Simone becoming teen Oprah with her up-and-down weight gain, they may not be able to take any more.

THE BACKSTREET BOYS ARE BACK....NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!

NICOLE RITCHIE GIVES BACK BIG TO AVERAGE FOLKS.

FORMER O.C-ER MISCHA BARTON, OFF TO THE GREY BAR HOTEL.

LILO'S EX DRUGGIE BOY-TOY TELLS ALL.

WILL SMITH SETS RECORD STRAIGHT ON WEIRD HITLER REMARKS.

KATIE HOLMES TELLS ALL WHAT DREW TOM CRIUSE TO HER.

"BREAKING NEWS!" HILARY DUFF BITCHES OUT ON BLACK, FOX NEWS NET PHOTOG--IN HOUSTON.
(AT HER PARENTS DIVORCE HEARING)

SOME SAG AWARD AND EVE MENDES NAKED NEWS.

JOSH GROBIN TOPS THE CHART (WITH NO RADIO AIRPLAY) AND WHO IS LILY ALLEN??
PLUS, DENZEL WASHINGTON DEBATE MOVIE GETS A SNEAK PEAK.

ESPN ANCHOR/STUMP THE SCHWAB HOST, STUART SCOTT HAS CANCER.

CHRIS O' DONNELL BUSY WITH FIFTH CHILD AND AMY WINEHOUSE SAYS NO X 3-- TO LONDON POLICE.

JAMIE LYNN SPEARS STEALS SPOTLIGHT, AWAY FROM SISTER: THE 16 YR. OLD IS PREGNANT.

ALEC BALDWIN TO HELP TURN DAKOTA FANNING'S SISTER, IN A LEGAL ADULT IN NEW CAMERON DIAZ DRAMA.

From Movieweb.com:
According to Variety, Alec Baldwin (30 Rock) will join Cameron Diaz, Dakota Fanning and Elle Fanning in My Sister's Keeper, the Nick Cassavetes-directed adaptation of the Jodi Picoult novel for New Line.

Baldwin will play the attorney who represents a child (Elle Fanning) after she sues her parents for emancipation on the grounds they bred her to be a genetic match who could prolong the life of her cancer-ridden sister (Dakota Fanning). The girl's mother (Diaz) is a former trial lawyer and represents herself in court.

JAY LENO AND CONAN O' BRIEN DECIDE TO SCAB FOR NBC DURING STRIKE WATCH.

PAMMIE AND RICK SOLOMAN DECIDE NOW--TO WORK IT OUT.

I AM LEGEND IS SO AT THE BOX OFFICE!

CELEB TV.COM EXCLUSIVE: PAM ANDERSON FILED 4 DIVORCE--AFTER 72 HRS OF MARRIAGE.